(Source: onelastchancetoreversethiscurse)

was me working for 7.95 an hour from 3:30-midnight.

i really don’t regret not going. I had a break down last night because i wish i could have the self-esteem and the ability financially to afford to go to prom. I know myself, and I would have felt huge in my dress, and seeing my ex grinding up against some girl who doesn’t know anything about her would have angered me to the core and i probably would freak the hell out on someone and ruin the night anyway. thus the reason why i don’t regret not going.

. I wish I could just have the person I’ve been talking to every night with me there- but they promised me that we will go to a formal together when I am in college, so that’s good.

my roommate’s dad died. so that has me really bummed out too- the funeral was friday, and now her car isn’t working, and if I believed in God, this would be the time where I would really start praying all the fucking time.

i woke up this morning, had a donut, drove to work, only to realize that i didn’t need to be there, then went to get gas. the gas spilled all over me. then i cried in the car on the way home, got into my bed, and went back to sleep.

while i was asleep, i had the nightmare again.

my mom was pregnant again, and we were living in this big white house with gorgeous french doors. sun was shining through, and everything looked pristine. my mom and i saw someone outside and instinctively knew that he was here to rob us. we both got onto the floor, and turned off all the lights, but then he came up to the door and said, “i know you are in there. i have a knife.” we then tried to run but he kicked open the door and started shooting. He got me in my rib cage, and the back of my thigh, and i swear the pain was so real i keep checking my skin for holes and blood even now. he also cut me to try and keep me from running, and that hurt as well. then he went after my mom, and i think he killed the baby. i could hear her screaming, but then there was this girl outside my house, looking in through those fucking french doors, hinges now broken and glass shattered. he started to go after her, leaving the house to my mom and myself. for whatever reason, my phone was downstairs, so i had to drag myself down all of the stairs, keeping my screams down and hoping to god that he wouldn’t follow the blood trail i was leaving behind me. I bumped down every stair, found my phone, and called my grandparents. they didn’t answer, so THEN i call 911. they come and kill the guy, but that girl who distracted the evil man and gave me the opportunity to save my family died.

i woke up hyperventilating and crying.

so i tried to call someone.

and they answered screaming at me.

and i still haven’t been able to shake my feeling of unsafety at all. i don’t feel safe right now. i am terrified out of my fucking mind.